Things I've Discovered About Myself

While taking a moment to sip a mocha and browse over my web-site, I see that I haven't blogged since June and the arrival of spring.  Now, the few flowers that bloomed have turned brown and frost threatens to settle on my lawn, fall is knocking on my door and I realize that time flies by way too quickly.  I've been so busy during my time away yet I don't feel like I have anything memorable to tuck away.  I've moved my daughter four times since June.  I helped move her home from college for two weeks then 1000 miles away for a summer internship then home again for three weeks now just last weekend back over the mountain and back to school for her final year in collage.  It's been quite a whirlwind; however, during this time, I have learned some things about myself.

The most important thing I've learned is that I'm often a whirlwind when I should be a gentle breeze.  A gentle breeze soothes the sole where as a swift wind stirs things up, often leaving them in a shamble and unsettled mess.

I've learned that I often want my own way.  And that my way isn't always the best way, it's just my way.  I thought I left that trait behind in my childhood but I think I only disguised it dragging it along into my adulthood.  I've known all along that I'm a control freak but I often cower down with intimidation and let others have their way, leaving me feeling insecure and often unworthy.

I've learned that I say too much...too much...too quickly...way too often, then  I walk away wondering why I said all that, afraid that I just left the person standing in the wake of a storm; left them in the aftermath of the whirlwind that hit unexpectedly. 

So here it is, nearly fall and I stand and look around at the rubble I've created and try to figure out where to start the clean-up.  I think that I have dumped the first load just by realizing and admitting the source of all the debris...I tell myself that I can become that gentle breeze.  I'm unsure when the next squall will occur, but until then I will try and keep the storm at bay.