The golden years...who ever came up with that term should be flogged. I have more aches then I ever did in my forties. I don't get any senior discounts yet my mailbox gets flooded with hearing aid ads and AARP flyers. To add insult to injury I visited my doctor recently because of a consistent stomach ache. My self diagnosis is acid reflux and maybe the beginning of an ulcer but I figured when the Over-the-Counter Purple Pill didn't do the job I better get a professional opinion.
I knew what he was going to say. I had heard it before.
"So how old are you know?" the doc asks.
"Just turned 52," I answered. Oh here it comes, I could read his mind.
"Oh," seeing my birthday was just last week he said, "well happy birthday,"
"Let's see, " he said as he read over my chart on his laptop..."Have you..."
Wait for it...wait for it...
..."had a colonoscopy yet?"
BAM...there it was. I knew he was gonna say that.
"No," I answered.
"Well here's what I'm gonna do," he said "I'm gonna order an upper and a lower scoping to see if you have an ulcer."
"Great I said." I'm just loving this guy. At least I get a discount for doing them both at the same time.
Well the day has come and I have been preparing for the last two days. A liquid diet of chicken broth and orange jello (no red colors allowed). Plus a lovely beverage of Movi-prep. Where do they come up with the names of this stuff. It tastes like Alkocelcer Plus on steroids. All 64 ounces of the stuff.
Years ago after the birth of my daughter I had to have reconstructive surgery to repair damage of her ripping her way into the World. I had to drink this stuff then too, only it was called Go Litely. What an understatement.
Well by now you probably have figured out that after drinking the Movi-prep beverage you won't be going to the movies. You won't be going far from home at all. In fact, I soon realized that the hall from my living room where the TV is was way too long to the "facility". So I decided to work in my office instead. Well it is too far away also so I moved my office into "the office" if you get my drift.
So with not too many options of what one can do to pass the time when prepping for a colonoscopy I came up with several ideas...I have a new book concept called...Diaries from the Throne.
I am also thinking of Native American names for myself...tell me what you think.
She Who Runs Quickly, or She Who Runs Slowly (both which are pretty accurate)
She Who Sits Upon the Throne
Sitting Bull (oh that one is already taken, darn) What about a different version? Maybe Shi**ing Bull? No, not that one.
Actually all of these could work as book titles too.
Well I guess I'd better quit for now and get ready for my photo session. I want to look my best so I can post pictures on Facebook.
Sherrie Gant is a writer, photographer, and